Okay, this is the first official post on this Blog, but I did import posts from a couple other places I’ve posted in the past, so there’d be something to read until it gets up to speed. I should be pumping out new rants and penis jokes in no time.
Okay, this is the first official post on this Blog, but I did import posts from a couple other places I’ve posted in the past, so there’d be something to read until it gets up to speed. I should be pumping out new rants and penis jokes in no time.
I came for the Hawk, I’m staying for the penis jokes.
Does this mean I get to post the lyrics to Frank Zappa’s song “Penis Dimension” here?
Screw it, I’m doin’ it anyway:
PENIS DIMENSION
Penis dimension
Penis dimension
Penis dimensions worrying me
I can’t hardly sleep at night
’cause of penis dimension
Do you worry?
Do you worry a lot?
No!
Do you worry?
Do you worry and moan…
That the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?
It’s your penis dimension!
Penis dimension!
(like Jerry Lewis)
Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
(spoken)
Hiya friends. Now just be honest about it.
Did you every consider the possibility that your penis,
and in the case of many dignified ladies,
that the size of the titties themselves might provide
moments of subconscious tension?
Weird twisted anxieties that could force a person
to become a Politician
A Policeman
A Jesuit Monk
A Rock & Roll Guitar Player
A Wino, you name it
And in the case of the ladies,
the ones who can’t afford the silicon beef-up,
may become writers of Romance Novels
Yes, or they become Camelite Nuns
Ooh, or racehorse jockeys
There is no reason why you or your loved one should suffer,
things are bad enough without the size of your organ
adding even more misery to the troubles of the world
Now, if you’re a lady and you’ve got munchkin tits,
you can console yourself with this age-old line from primary school:
Anything over a mouthful is wasted!
Yes, and isn’t it the truth
And if you are a guy, one night at a party
and your trying to be cool, I mean,
you aren’t even wearing any underwear you’re being so cool,
and somebody hits on you one night,
and looks you up and down and says:
Eight inches or less!
Well let me tell you brother, that’s the time when
you got to turn around and look that son of a bitch
right between the eyes, and you got to tell him these words:
(sung)
What will this evening, bring me this morning?
What will this evening, bring me this morning?
Dawn will arrive without any warning
What will I say the next day to whomever
I drag to my hotel tonight
(if things go alright)
What will I say the next day to whomever
I drag to my hotel tonight
(will she be outasite)
What will this evening, bring me this morning?
What will this evening, bring me this morning?
A succulent fat one! A mod little flat one!
Maybe a hot one (to give me the clap!)
Maybe a Freak who gets off with a Strap
Maybe a Freak who gets off with a Strap…
What will I say the next day to whomever
I drag to my hotel tonight
(if things go alright)
What will I say the next day to whomever
I drag to my hotel tonight
(will she be outasite?)
(Ah yes, the life of a Rock & Roll musician on the road on tour living in 200 Motels)